I don't remember what the invitation said. I do remember that Mark and Roger joked that they couldn't decide on what to call it exactly. They insisted it wasn't a "wedding" or a "union." They just wanted their friends to gather to see them come together.

My father was a minister and I was just out of seminary, so I had seen my fair share of weddings and rituals. But to my mind, Mark and Roger’s ritual that day was the most moving and authentic I had ever witnessed. They created a simple ritual that managed to create a community of companions out of strangers, companions in that day's celebration.

The ritual was scheduled to take place at Cheesman Park. A beautiful green space with a majestic temple-like structure in the middle of a circular drive; the public park is the unofficial center of Denver's gay community. But Mark and Roger didn’t choose the temple or its picturesque collonade for the ritual. They chose a grassy space inside a circle of large oak trees. They requested that we purchase a small gift (no more than ten dollars in cost) that "symbolized love." I had purchased a small heart made of blown red glass and gift in hand joined some friends on the way to the park.

As each person arrived they were asked to place their gift on one of two platters that had been put out. People greeted one another. I only recognized a few people and wondered how the others fit into Mark and Roger's life. When everyone had arrived, they began the ritual.

Mark and Roger asked us all to sit in a large circle on the blanket-laden ground. The two of them sat next to each other and began by passing incense around the circle to smudge one another. We then passed sweet bread and juice and partook of the feast.

Then Mark took a talisman and began to tell the story.

He told the story of his loneliness in a small North Carolina town. He spoke of meeting Roger at a gathering of Gay choruses in Florida. It was "love at first sight" and they were inseparable for the rest of the weekend. Mark spoke of the long and florid courtship by mail that followed. They came to know each other slowly and sweetly and before long knew they were meant to be with each other. Roger flew out to North Carolina and helped Mark pack and move to Denver. Mark finished speaking but the story was just beginning.

He passed the talisman to his left and his friend Jennings continued the story. He spoke of his long and dear friendship with Mark and his coming to know Mark and Roger as lovers and companions. His happiness was palpable. The story came a little clearer. Then Jennings passed the talisman along.

One by one we each shared our stories of these two. Some knew them individually and then together. Others, like me, had always known them together. But we all shared our part of their story with the circle. The talisman made its way around the circle beneath the swaying branches of the oak trees. The stories of Mark and Roger poured forth to one another.

Finally, the talisman made its way to Roger who completed the circle by sharing his story of falling in love with Mark. He shared parts of letters and poetry of soul and love. The circle was now closed and we knew each other's stories. We were strangers no more.

Then Mark and Roger presented rings to one another. But they didn't just present them to each other. They had chosen to exchange rings through the circle. Mark passed Roger’s ring to his left while Roger passed Mark’s ring to his right. We held each ring as they made their way around the circle. Some prayed silently or contempled the rings that would reside on Mark and Roger's fingers. One of the most powerful memories of the ritual was witnessing the rings "cross" in the hands of two men in the circle. Keep in mind that the rings were moving at different paces, so no one knew where in the circle they would cross. They happened to cross by the hands of two lovers who had been together for over twenty years. They were strangers to me before that day, but I knew, in fact we all knew they were lovers because we had heard their stories. There was much weeping as we silently recognized a wonderful blessing unfolding through serendipity and intention.

Afterwards Mark and Roger invited us to break into two smaller circles around the platter which held the gifts we had brought. Once we were seated we were asked to take a gift from the tray. While we each unwrapped the gift, the gift-giver shared how it symbolized love to them. It was another outpouring. Mark and Roger had no interest in receiving presents and had in essence "tricked" us into giving each other a gift that would remind us of love and of that blessed day. Moreover, we would have a gift that would remind us of each other and this temporary community of loving. I happened to open the gift brought by Mark’s friend Jennings. Inside the package were two silver bracelets. Jennings explained that he had purchased them while on a trip with Mark. That trip was one of the fondest memories of their friendship and the two bracelets reminded him of Mark and Roger now. That gift still reminds me of that blissful day.

I have attended so many weddings and rituals. I have studied them, first as an anthropologist and then as a seminarian. I know the structures and symbols in them. Most of these have been places with understood but shallow connection. We know we’re there because we know the couple, but we have no idea of the stories. But in Roger and Mark’s circle was a simple ritual that succeeded in bringing together strangers and weaving them together in community. It was a reminder that we are wed by our stories.