When I contemplated the writing of this article, I felt drawn to describing my movement into and out of the ecstatic state in which I find myself when I dance. The ease with which I find myself moving from one reality to another, particularly through the medium of dance, is sometimes startling, even after a twenty year practice.

I recall recently attending a social dance function. The performing group was comprised of women who were singing eastern European folk songs. At one point while dancing, I found myself in a state of ecstatic revelry. I wasn't really intending anything other than enjoying myself. However, I recall another dancer coming up to me while I was in this ecstatic state. I don't really recall anything about the person, until she spoke. When I heard the words, that's when the snap happened. I was unmistakably jolted back to this reality. The shock of the return was rather unpleasant.

Questions filled my mind. Did this other person recognize that although my physical body was "here", my consciousness was somewhere else? What is the role of intention in pursuing ecstatic states? What are the layers of my practice? To do some discovery, I set aside some time to do the following exploration: My conscious intention was to initiate movement into an altered state, follow the messages I received, and remember enough to write about it!

I smoked ganja, one of my usual methods for opening an initial door. I prepared a massage oil with essential oils of patchouli, Iberian sage, rosemary, and black pepper; rather warming, but also grounding with the patchouli. I strode naked out into the north woods, through the labyrinth of the north altar, and onward. I found myself at a spot near the northeast corner of the sanctuary. An area beckoned.

I faced the east to begin my dance of the directions. One of my basic frameworks for moving into an altered state is first to inhabit my body through a meditative dance, then to honor the elements, the directions, and to invoke my spirit guides. My practice honors the four cardinal directions plus center. I am also beginning to incorporate elements of my shamanic journeying with elements of my Tantric masturbation practice. I begin honoring the east by massaging the oil into my hands, inhaling the aroma. A dance begins, invoking air not with words but through movemeant both physical and energetic. The dance honors the sunrise, spring, things aerial. My hands connecting my genitals up through the chakras to my third eye. My qi gong practice seemingly guiding this journey from a place of deep knowing, my "heaven's gate" or crown chakra releasing upward to receive.

The dance moves my facing southward. More oil is massaged between my hands, then onto my cock, balls, and buttocks. I dance to invoke fire. To honor the snake of transformation, to honor my patroness, Pele of the Volcanoes through whom I have learned much about myself. The passions rising as I massage both cock and anus, breathing into ecstasy I find myself using a fire breath borrowed from my yoga practice. The feeling is more than that of ejaculation. Instead of the intensity of the experience feeling confined to my genitals, it spreads inward through my cock and well, "injaculates." Instead of semen pouring out, my focus draws the energy inward through my cock into my root chakra, up my chakras and outward through my entire body. My heart chakra seems to resonate with an incredible vibration. My whole body is on fire.

I find myself facing west. More oil. I'm drawn to massage my belly. Drawn into the depths of feeling, I honor water. I honor flow. The burning ecstasy eases into a cool flow that dances in curves and loops and spirals and falls and swells. I honor and release my feelings that flow with the ebbing tides. I honor my feelings of connection to the moon. I feel the warmth of the sun on my back and I know the meaning of yin and yang without thinking, but simply through the feeling. I bend forward to warm the kidneys, and reaching downward, my anus reaches upward. I find myself massaging my anus and exposing my own dark side, my hidden nature to the light. Because, essentially, they are but the same, different phases of the same eternal flow. Tai Ji. Tao.

As I move to the north, I massage oil from my feet, up my legs to my cock and balls. I release my hands to my sides as I stand to honor and call upon my ancestors. I feel the pride and humility welling forth, as a spring from within the rocks. I find renewed strength in my connection to the earth. I feel the energies of nature around me. Rocks, trees, the mountains, animals of all sorts. I sense my ancestor guides encircling me. With this enhanced connection to the earth, to all my ancestors, they bid me to spin.

I begin spinning. I spin with an inward awareness, calling to center. And just as easily, my awareness begins to reach outward--out, out, out. I find myself seated in the loose, dry dirt. I begin pawing the dirt all over me, I begin to roll in the dirt, realizing the dirt will protect me from the sun and the bugs. I realize my feline spirit guide is moving through me.

I gather my belongings and head onward. I find myself drawn here and there across the sanctuary to the several groves of artemesia trilobata or "big sage," a powerful herbal. I am then drawn to an area of the sanctuary, one in which I have not spent much time. I am drawn to a clearing, and realize I will be moving my hermitage camp to this new site. Co-creating new relationships with elementals and nature spirits of all sorts!

I pass the east altar, then another sage grove, the south altar to the pond. I swim, cleansing away the dirt, the process, the return to the everyday reality is seemingly instantaneous. I question if I'll remember enough to tell a story.

Upon reflection, I realize there's much not told, after all, some things are called mystery for a reason!